Negotiating Raises Pillows

"I agree you're due for a raise, and when you leave my office, you'll still be due for a raise!"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

The Evolution of the Bonus

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

"Is this about your raise?"

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

'I'm prepared to offer you a raise, if you work hard. I knew there'd be a catch.'

'What would you say to a salary increase?'

'If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?'

'A raise? Listen, Pomeroy -- you know how I feel about clumsy attempts to fine-tune the economy!'

"I knew there would be a catch."

"I'd like a raise, I can't afford to binge drink on what you pay me."

Tired of long hours and lousy pay, Bob begins a work-to-rule campaign.

'The position sounds interesting, but my last job paid more coconuts.'

"You look perfectly suited for managing on the pigeons have a salary that goes with the job!"

Think Big - 'I want a rise - a big one.'

'Guess who's hinting for a raise?'

'No sir, I said could I have an increase in SALARY.'

'I may be an incurable optimist, but I think I can get a raise out of ol' J.P.'

We're prepared to offer you a starting salary in the low six figures...if you count the decimal.

'When it comes to giving a bonus...some people will stop at nothing.'

'Actually, Carruthers, if you take the world average income, you're grossly overpaid.'

'How about a small rise?' - 'No, but how about a large reference?.'

"A delightful arrangement Miss Chalmers..."

"I never ask for a raise any more. I just hack into the boss's computer and give myself one."