Needle Keeper Gifts

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

"Ours is not a creative clan."

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

'Minyan Man! You've saved the day again!'

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

"When I was young, we personally prepared all the food for each and every meal!"

Mr. Briggs' Adventures in the Highlands, part 11.

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

'All I said was 'belly up to the bar'.'

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

A house cat fishes in a goldfish bowl

"I'm getting too old for this..."

'I haven't been able to go to sleep in this new bowl.'

'Go on - they're organic!'

Dear Dairy

"What happened to the good old Jewish holidays when all we used to do was eat?"

'Awww, isn't that nice: This one says 'PS: Love to Rudolph!''

"We always have pizza for Easter dinner because that's what my mom gives up for Lent."

"You're right! It is a mezuzah!"

"I'm just making a few behavioral notes in my journal, then I'll chase him."

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

"Today we will focus on how the author makes the same exact complaints about here life, from her sixth birthday and on."

The Maryland School of Art's Class of 1998 Celebrating This Week's Commencement With The Traditional Thesis Painting Toss.

Ugly Holiday Sweaters

"He's retreated into nationalism."

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

Acupuncture clinic

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

The Christening Party

"I don't care what your father said, Santa likes milk and cookies NOT beer and pretzels!"

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"