Nautical Mythologist Gifts

'It was this big. I swear'

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

A writer goes sailing.

Flying Dutchman

'Oh, look on the bright side. At least I'm not a 500 pound Bengal tiger.'

"Will thou not sayest 'Uncle'?"

'It's bad news for the cabin boy.'

'If you were a carp where would you go?'

"How much to insure my artifical leg?"

'Half mushroom and half plankton!'

If only they'd taken it with them!

Mermaid luring pirates to their death

A writer sails on the water chased by editing shears.

'I joined the navy to see the world and I spent four years on a submarine!'

'Steer clear of the blow hole until we get to Sausalito.'

Noah's Ark on a cruise ship.

"Because the sea can be a cruel mistress."

"They say those who follow the Great Rubber Duckie will ride safely through any storm!"

And that's where mermaids came from.

Flying Dutchman

Merman with cymbals

"I still say climate change is a hoax."

Siren and Pirates

Old boatmen impressing children with made up stories about having been a smuggler

'Wow! Gruel twice in one week, IT DOESN'T GET BETTER THAN THIS!'

'I hope you realise that this could give us all a really bad name.'

Real Girls with REAL legs

'Fred,do you need any help putting the outboard motor on?'

Message in a bottle breaks on a rock.

Sailing on the River Styxx

'So is our boat half full or half empty?'

"Her mother was a vegetarian."