Nature-loving Investor Gifts

'The Dow is going up, the Dow is going down, the Dow is...'

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Wall Street Couch

"Good morning. Fen, Boscage, Bracken & Spinney."

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

Day trading.

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

'Stocks rose on the rumor that the market is mostly rumor-driven.'

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

wealth investment

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'All we can do is remind the stockholders that money isn't everything.'

"Every time dad checks the stock market, he does that weird thing with his mouth."