Natural Birth Enthusiast Gifts

'Would the father like to gnaw through the umbilical cord?'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Is she breastfeeding in public?! That's disgusting!"

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

'Boy, if you'd just stop roaming around, it would be easier to find you...'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Hey, big deal! We're all new kids on the block!'

Maternity Ward

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

Uterus: One size fits all.

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

'How many fingers do you see?'

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

Bouncing baby

In the club.

'We got Spot and Fluffy when it rained cats and dogs. You came in a baby shower.'

'You're up the duff with a bun in the oven.'

Maternity Hospital

Giving Birth

"It's from HQ, they're replacing me with a younger man!"