National Librarian Day Gifts

Shut the F#%* up! (Formally Shhhh!)

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Copycats

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Big Bang Theory.

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

"Meet the scribe"

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

The Bookworm

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

Swan Fairy Tales

"Teach yourself what you don't know you don't know."