Naming A Newborn Pillows

"He looks like a Björn."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Late night teddy reading

Pool attached to child's bed.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"They're so adorable at that age!"

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

A mother and baby elephant

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

Twenty-first century baby walker

The No No No's

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'