Name-giver Gifts

She named him Dogger Pimphead Jones. And there is no nobler freedom than the freedom of choice.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Sana's Back with his soot eating grin.

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

celebrating a birth.

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

'Yeah, yeah, very cute... she couldn't have just sent me an e-card?'

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

Love.

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

"Call him Koffee- he keeps us awake!"

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

Birthday Racing Car

Valentines Balloons

'I had to give a short speech last night. It was a hoot!'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

'And that,and that,and that...'

'I'm retiring, to spend more time with my family of mutual find investments,'

'Aha! You can tell Dottie and the kids I didn't forget their presents!'

'Awww, isn't that nice: This one says 'PS: Love to Rudolph!''

'I don't need to know what it is when it's on sale.'

New life (organ donation)

'Let's open presents Christmas Eve AND morning. That way Christmas lasts for TWO days.'

'Dubble Dawawg A.K.A. Diplo Matt A.K.A. Spyral A.K.A. Sheldon delman - noted rap artist'

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'A globe warming party?...Guys, you shouldn't have!'