Naive Realist Gifts

'I can't wait to grow up and get a job so I don't have to bring work home.'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

Inbox and Outbox

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

'...And here's one of the artist's earliest paintings.'

"I can be perfect for only one hour a day."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

Rural Cityscape

'When did the world get into such a big hurry?'

'I always vote for the candidate I think will do the least damage.'

How coal creates jobs

Success Without Effort

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

'Mom, Dad. . . remember that day you sent me to law school and I got lost?'

Japanese disaster

"You can be anything!". . . "Take whatever you can get."

'Of course you realize; Grizwell's now honor bound to give us the raise we've asked for.'

My first rodeo