Mystical Arts Buff Gifts

'OK, OK! Enough voodoo! Batter up!'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

"Did you have a cat?"

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'You will meet a sexy, honest fortune teller who will take all your money!'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

"It also doubles as a karaoke machine."

Wow. You're amazing!

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

'I see people laughing at you.'

'Reeta can tell your fortune from your bank statements.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Graeae

...Sheep worrying had taken on a whole new meaning on Joe's farm!

"We don't do that kind of cattle futures, ma'am. You want Madam Mystic down the street."

"That's what I call an off-off-off-off-off Broadway show!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but a blade's a blade."

'I guess I don't need to tell you that you got the job.'

'This time last year you told me that I would meet a tall handsome stranger. Now I need his name and address.'

"Wow. That guy on psychic chat line is really good. He told me our next phone bill would be bigger than usual!"

'The crystal reveals you spend your money foolishly. That will be twenty-five dollars, please.

"We can thank Hippocrates for changing healing from an occult art to a science."

"It's a bit of a scam. They sell the crystal ball at cost, then nail you on the price of replacement psych-ink cartridges."

'You will meet a tall, handsome psychologist who will teat your gullibility.'

"I'm dating a spiritualist medium..."

'Miró, Miró, on the wall . . .'

"Seducers, politicians and non-believers, it's all become so humdrum. I often wonder, where have all the sorcerers and fortune tellers gone?"