Mystic Ponderer T-Shirts

"Hey, that crystal ball's just a snow globe!"

'Hey! The audience wants you to stop sending spam thoughts!'

Ring bell for guru.

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Why bother?"

'This wasn't quite the fairytale ending that Colin had anticipated...'

Neptune

"Oh boy charades! I love charades! Something big? Is it a bird? It's sharp! Behind? Above?"

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

Ghost puddle

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'

'When we bought this place we thought we'd only be making wine. Apparently, we're also into spirits.'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

A voodoo doctor.

'I say we try it.'

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

"I'll have dessert first."

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"Ok, you were right – dogs can see ghosts."

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

'No, this is area 50...Area 51 is over that way...'

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"Now we're really in trouble!!! It's the Power Walking Dead!!!"

'He's always looking for an argument!'

Jesus wept

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'