Mysterious Musings Fan Gifts

'Psst, buddy -- Apocrypha!'

He looks so natural lying there...

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

Bob woke up in a pile of notes, some scrawled so quickly that no one could decode them. He remembered nothing of the night before, except... yes, a fleeting glimpse of the writer's moon.

"Play 'Misty' for me."

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Dog detectives

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"Undiagnosed serial killer"

Nancy Drew Mysteries - The Later Years

"Sure. I know of a haystack on the edge of town where you'll be safe until the heat dies down."

'Hold it right there, pal! I had a vision that your check is going to bounce, so you can just head right back to your car!'

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'He's been shot!'

Mental baggage, a brain with a handle for easy carrying.

"Another clear case of COVID19."

Fortunes. Tarot. Palms. You punched the fortune teller just because he was smiling? I always wanted to strike a happy medium.

"You wanna put that back?"

'My secret is putting the toil in first and adding the trouble just as it comes to a boil.'

Big Medium

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

'Reeta can tell your fortune from your bank statements.'

'Don Francesco, scusi... But while we were burying Luigi, some joggers ran into us... So we had to bury five corpses altogether...'

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

Thoughts of Stephen Harper...

The farmer says one of his cows are missing, mind if we take a look around

'I'd like to enlighten you, but what if you're just illusory?'

The first Da Vinci Code. Dude, where there's a sock on the doorknob, it means I've got a model in here!

Police are searching for a male between 16 and 25 years, with a silky sheer taupe complexion and a run over his left eye.

Recollections of a Retired Butler

'The paintings are neolithic, I suspect the Mustaches wee added by a later people.'

"Is that before or after tax?"

Leo Tolstoy