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'I'm with the band.'

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'We had to donwsize.'

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

'Dubble Dawawg A.K.A. Diplo Matt A.K.A. Spyral A.K.A. Sheldon delman - noted rap artist'

This next number is when we smash our guitars...

The Incredible Telly Presenter's Journey.

"I'm not sure if the audience is ready to embrace you in a romantic comedy."

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

Rescuing the Music Industry.

'We've got 'Jumpin' Jake' Stevens on drums, 'Slick' Chuck on bass and 'Wasted Pete' Walthons on the trumpet.'

"It's always 'Get me a Godzilla type,' never 'Get me Godzilla!'"

"Creative, imaginative, and fierce-these are just a few of the words that I'm reading off the teleprompter."

"Hey! Your phone isn't turned on."

"The safest way back into the charts is a dramatic death after a party with girls, booze, and drugs!"

"What you ain't - is A GENT!"

We learnt the art on Top of the Pops.

Showbiz

"Don't we thing Arlene would make a perfect Medea?"

'These f****** pop stars are setting really f****** bad examples with their b***** lifestyles.'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I've been wonderful, you've been the audience - goodnight!"

Candlestick at Night

"Yeah, he's in rehab, but for the right role I can spring him."

"David Bowie, dead. Keith Richards, alive. Makes no sense."

Attendance Has Dropped

"It's a doomsday scenario...I love it."

"I've done it, Igor! I've created a pop group!"

"..And the best product placement in a film award goes to..."