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"It ain't pretty. You got a bad flap-valve leak, and your tenor drones are all gunked up. It'll be a week at least, IF I can get the parts. I do got a loaner, but she ain't much."

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

Guitarist

Marimba

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Couples' therapy

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

'It's a blonde, long-legged species with a melodious voice and it goes south for the winter.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

"Do you like it better when I go to the F or the Dm?"

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

Piano Recital

Learn Guitar In 6 Easy Lessons: Add another fifty difficult ones!

Eric Clapton.

Music downloads

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

'I'm a virtuoso on the middle pedal.'

"The 'Sing Only in the Shower' Community Chorus"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

Musical notes bubble gum.

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

Artist and Musician

Guitar Man.

Six jazz instruments.

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.