Music Mender T-Shirts

"It ain't pretty. You got a bad flap-valve leak, and your tenor drones are all gunked up. It'll be a week at least, IF I can get the parts. I do got a loaner, but she ain't much."

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Marimba

Guitarist

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Couples' therapy

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

Piano Recital

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

"Do you like it better when I go to the F or the Dm?"

'It's a blonde, long-legged species with a melodious voice and it goes south for the winter.'

Learn Guitar In 6 Easy Lessons: Add another fifty difficult ones!

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"The 'Sing Only in the Shower' Community Chorus"

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

Guitar Man.

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

Artist and Musician

Musical notes bubble gum.

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

Music downloads

'I'm a virtuoso on the middle pedal.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

Six jazz instruments.

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

'Their daughter plays the violin.'