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'I hope it's important, he hates being interrupted during his trombone practice.'

Man playing the timpani drum.

'Your back is never going to get better until you stop playing the piano with a walking band.'

'This next one I wrote myself. It's about pain, misery and heartbreak, until I finally wised up and dumped him.'

Musicians.

Music theft.

Taxi Rank

"You'll really like this next song. I wrote it specifically to be a ring tone!"

Worker playing the hammer from the anvil like a flute

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

"'Don't quit your day job???' Hey, that's mean!"

'I thought you said your Dad was an astronaut?'

Domestic Harmony.

"Howard, you've met my ukulele ladies before."

'The music teacher told us to write a song for the Secretary of Education. The bad news is, I'm suspended from school now and the psychologist wants to meet you. The good news is, I sold my sonf to Eminem.'

'We'll have to put the 'hit single' on hold, lads. My mum's just figured out what the lyrics mean.'

Drummers

"Now you've done it!"

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

Marimba

Lennon and McCartney.

Guitarist

Kid uses his violin as a golf club.

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

"I'm the only sane artist in the world."

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

Piano Recital

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

"Do you like it better when I go to the F or the Dm?"

'It's a blonde, long-legged species with a melodious voice and it goes south for the winter.'

'Good news. We're not Daft Punk.'