Music Industry Gifts

Simon Cowell

'But you kept saying the rhythm was gonna get you.'

'Dubble Dawawg A.K.A. Diplo Matt A.K.A. Spyral A.K.A. Sheldon delman - noted rap artist'

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

"Mum, I got the job!"

George Martin

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

'Yeah, a lot of people say I look like Elvis. I think it's my eyes.'

'Therapy in L.A.'

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

"If small stars keep planets in line, what do big stars do?"

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

"I just sold my entire back catalogue of songs for $185 million."

"Kanye's changing his name. I'm thinking he should go by Cra Z."

"So I play this guy named Stan Snorkel who finds a big, gray poodle..."

"When you said you were high up in the the music business..."

This next number is when we smash our guitars...

'I'm with the band.'

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

'The music business.'

"Can you perform under pressure?"

'You look and sound like a real pro.'

Rescuing the Music Industry.

If John Lennon had gone into strategic management.

"I can see no farther than the final episode of the first season."

"I don’t want to ‘fetch’ – I want to practice entertainment law."

Showbiz

'This guy is recording our singing, but I can't see us getting royalties any time soon...'

Businessman sits below a chart showing falling music sales in notes.

Liz Ripple All-Girl band - an equal opportunity employer.

Miss T-T

"We've got Tom O'Brien on bass, Nick Weber on drums, and Jonah Petchesky on contracts."

Blues Music in a Litigious World

Dido

"No need to sign a contract with J. Walters Agency. We take our branding seriously."