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'Thanks, kids. . . it's just what Grandpa wanted. . . the new remastered Rolling Stones retrospective.'

John Lennon and Barry White in heaven arguing over who is the Walrus.

Rolls Music Store: Grand Piano $6500, Okay Pianos $1500.

'Go and tell the man with the Eric Dolphy CD down his trousers that's not what we mean by free jazz.'

Conductor in prompt box.

"I heard they got back together."

'This is Ian, my new boyfriend. Did I mention he was a record holder?'

'Excuse me is this the blues section?'

Shuffle Shame

Can Opener Sounds of the 70s!

"What are you doing?"

"Mum, have you seen my rap cds anywhere."

"No, no, no! My old 45 records do not belong in the craft box!"

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

Robert Fripp

Jazz is Invented

Six jazz instruments.

Liam Gallagher.

"Folks, if you look out of your window at those clouds below, you'll have a nice view of the Grateful Dead dancing bears."

Jimi Hendrix.

Greatest hits, Greatest Misses.

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'

'It's one of the candidates for baptism. Wants to know if he can hold the hand that shook Elvis's hand above the water.'

Viola, cello, 1st violin and 2nd violin vending machine.

Tiny jazz musicians play large drum and bass.

"It's an Orville Rickenbacker - Great for recording 'pop' music."

Beatlemania: Open 24/8

Pub. This is John. He also loves obscure bands until they're popular then hates them. The Druidiots. Luckies. 50 ale.

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

'Music & Gym'

Robert Drake

Gramaphone Man.

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

So close... Yet so far.