Music Business Strategist Gifts

Record Label Bird

"Think of it as buying in – not selling out."

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

'Dubble Dawawg A.K.A. Diplo Matt A.K.A. Spyral A.K.A. Sheldon delman - noted rap artist'

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

"With your voice and my marketing skills, we'll sell records by the million!"

Garage Music

"I just sold my entire back catalogue of songs for $185 million."

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

"Kanye's changing his name. I'm thinking he should go by Cra Z."

'The music business.'

"Music has doubled my income..."

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

Rescuing the Music Industry.

Liz Ripple All-Girl band - an equal opportunity employer.

'Our new director is also a choir director. He will lead us in singing our company fight song.'

"The safest way back into the charts is a dramatic death after a party with girls, booze, and drugs!"

Miss T-T

Businessman sits below a chart showing falling music sales in notes.

'We need to slow down and take our time getting into our hurry up offense.'

'This guy is recording our singing, but I can't see us getting royalties any time soon...'

"We've got Tom O'Brien on bass, Nick Weber on drums, and Jonah Petchesky on contracts."

"They don't care what Folkways is paying. They won't play after the moon sets."

"And now, our newest hit song..."

The Artist Share of the Golden Goose Internet

Blues Music in a Litigious World

"You gotta admit, they rock PRETTY hard for a group with no arms."

"Mostly Mozart, nothing. It's all Mozart or no Mozart."