Music Buff Banter Gifts

Pachelbel at weddings

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

"That is an outrageous slur."

I'm not saying I'm not a hound dog. I'm saying I'm not nothing but a hound dog.

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

Piano Keyboard

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Yo! Emmett Kelly raps! (with ringmaster flash)

"Folks, if you look out of your window at those clouds below, you'll have a nice view of the Grateful Dead dancing bears."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

'At least I don't have his life.'

Language purists bring correctness to a whole new level, forcing a name change for Ireland's most famous band.

Doggy conductor

'That was Charlie Parker's 'Ornithology.' I threw in a flat nine in bar 16 and a tritone substitution in bar 22. Who noticed that? Hands up if you noticed!'

'We had to donwsize.'

Stabbing an opera singer to hit the high notes.

Cloud Cuckoo Land, "Earnest's invite had lied about there being a live band"

David Bowie

'Okay, so it's not a violin, but he is playing our song.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

Car with enormous speakers, "I said, I love the speakers!"

"This next song is also about air-conditioning."

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

"Now she's saying there'll have to be an pre-nuptial agreement."

"Wow! - That's bland, derivative and sooo dull..! It's gonna make us millions!"

McCartney art exhibition: 'The only reason they gave him the show is because he's got a famous daughter'

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'Reports of my abstinence have been slightly exaggerated. . . I read somewhere that smoking and drinking are bad for you. . . so I gave up reading.'