Museum Touring T-Shirts

"For big, important things, it's the Met and the Modern, of course—but the Whitney is great for stocking-stuffers."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

You're my Mona Lisa.

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

At the Museum

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

The Googler

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"I think he was a celebrity."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

Party Animals.

'That's about it so far, Son.'

Culture Saturday

"First aid box, puncture repair kit, mobile phone, energy bars and plenty of liquids; I think that's all eventualities covered..."

"You're on a what?!"

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

"Well....I could've done this!"

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"Personally, I'm a doer."

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'I could do that.'

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

They don't feed the animals in here very well, do they!

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'Evidently, one of them was a cartoonist!'