Museum Touring T-Shirts

"For big, important things, it's the Met and the Modern, of course—but the Whitney is great for stocking-stuffers."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

You're my Mona Lisa.

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

At the Museum

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

The Googler

"I think he was a celebrity."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Party Animals.

'That's about it so far, Son.'

Culture Saturday

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"You're on a what?!"

"Why don't you find a museum!"

"Well....I could've done this!"

"Personally, I'm a doer."

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'I could do that.'

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'Evidently, one of them was a cartoonist!'

They don't feed the animals in here very well, do they!

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."