Museum Hound Pillows

"She's complaining about indecent exposure again."

Love a Mutt

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

"Consider yourself chased."

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

Hair of the dog spots: christmas jumper

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

'No need to shout.'

'Good dog!'

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

"Now that's art!"

'...Basset Hound! Anal sacs!'

"And yet, I too am a still life."

Canine Scent-ipede

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

Lawyer to client: 'Yes, your turnover at the pastry shop would fall under tort law.'

"What's so amazing? It's a paint by the numbers artist kit."

'I knew him before he became a police dog!'

Please Do Not Pounce on Art

"She's a model dog, alright. When she's not on a catwalk, she demands a lot of attention, requires constant grooming, and is a picky eater."

"Funny how he always goes in the same spot."

'Why good dogs go bad.'

'It's only a checkup!'

Shops:Under cut, Upper cut, Half cut

"Looks like they're going to have a dog fight."

'You made $50,000 less than in the previous year? Gee, I really feel sorry for you guys in the private sector.'