Mundane Day Gifts

"It's just one of those days. I don't know if I'm coming or going."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

Gary Basks in the glow of a fifteen-minute window with no empty cardboard boxes in the house.

A businessman waits for an elevator; on his briefcase are two stickers reading "Up" and "Down".

'Oh no...I'm living the dream.'

"You have arrived at your destination."

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

Wadder

Welcome to our meeting!

'The light stays on after I shut the door.'

"Recycling has become the high point of my week."

"Finding $20 while on bathroom clean-up duty."

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. Then you'll finish up a report on whether your client's edgy new marketing tactics have been resonating with the 18-34 demographic. The results will be inconclusive and your boss will say, 'Jared, there'll always be another Instagram-based influence strategy to review,' but she also takes a while to approve your annual leave request and you will suspect that the two are related."

Things-could-be-worse-go-round

'This is security. Looks like we have an escape from cubicle 36.'

"Your parking meter is expired, your license is expired, your plates are expired, your city sticker is expired, your insurance is expired, your library card is expired..."

Please stand by...for view.

"Wow, two hundred dryer sheets. Who will I even be two hundred dryer sheets from now?"

"Hold on – I was putting my card in upside down."

"We can't leave now - we'll miss the spin cycle!"

'Generic drugs, generic drinks, generic foods! No wonder we're boring!'

'I don't want to fight the evil Emperor of the Galaxy! †I want to do my taxes!'

"It says here you once ordered take-out for twenty-seven nights in a row. What kind of person does that?"

Proof of life on earth

Divorcing the boring husband

Oh no! Socks again?!