Moviegoer Extraordinaire Gifts

'The only thing that made sense was the violence.'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Herman Mankiewicz

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Reese Witherspoon

'It was great. I hated it.'

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

"I want you to know that emotion overrode reason."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Now Playing at the Europlex

"No! I am your father!" "Noooooo!"

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Why don't you just go and see this summer's feel-good movie?"

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

'I just got the medium popcorn this time.'

Hollywood Breakup

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

"The cape comes off too."

Concert pianist with a clockwork piano.

'One chatterbox, a natter natter and two shhhhh's please.'

'It's a 'Free Willy From Hollywood' petition: Would you please sign it...'

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"Now is the winter of our discontent, made glorious summer by a string of great hollywood blockbusters."

Barry Norman

The Directors Gut.

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

"We're gonna make, Rose! Keep washing your hands!"

'That's the last time I'm sitting in the front row!'

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'