Movie Snarker Pillows

"And the winner of the second clapper board electrician's assistant is..."

Movie Awards. Winner. It's been a big night for Ernie! He won three times at the movie-set caterer awards! On one set he made a healthy, refreshing beverage that received rave reviews from the cast and crew. He won the "best pitcher" award for it. Did they say he won for best costumes? No, his dressings won. His sticky buns won also. For "best leading roll" performance, right? No, for best "cinnamontography"!

'When my business turned into a lemon, I made lemonade....but that also failed when nobody liked its taste'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

Hey, how was space? Fine. Jeez. The adolescent astronaut.

'Which channel would you like to tut at tonight?'

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

'I hate to tell you... it's not 'amber waves of gain'.'

"Get those things away from me- I can't stop eating them."

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"

One Thing is Free

"'Superman legacy' was awful. Just awful!"

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

The First Art Critic

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

Sometimes, instead of one big meal, I prefer tapas.

More Ideas for Term Limits

'It's just a few things your concession stand doesn't carry - fried chicken, potato salad, pumpkin pie...'

'Don't kid yourself. If you're too ugly to be cooked, they'll grind you up into one of those fish protein concentrates.'

"My compliments to yhe liquidator - that was terrible."

Cull people who eat big bags of potato chips during a movie.

"Batman v Superman" was just awful. Just AWFUL! Wait

'Are you genetically modified? - Then you'll love our G.M. food.'

"I don't care if it is the best value... next time we're just getting a MEDIUM popcorn!"

"How to Look, Feel & Sound like Shit"

'Well I think we've nearly broken the back of this 'risk assessment'.'

That Snake Talks Sense

"My compliments to your chefs - their broth was disgusting."

'Maybe I give off a little ammonia, but at least I don't smell like people!'

"I just don't have it in me today..." "Well, aren't you the lucky one."

"The Breakfast of Politicians. Low in character and moral fiber."

"It's to help you stop the late-night snacking."

"I really prefer the place across the street. The cockroaches are smaller."