Movie Night Aficionado T-Shirts

"The Monday movie will be back after the messages that follow the following messages."

Batman returns

'What's going on at your end?'

"I'll have what she's having."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Herman Mankiewicz

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"Bloody hell!"

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.

Kritik's Korner

Canadian film production

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

Moby Dick

"You can tell it's a period drama because they're not wearing ozone helmets."

'Action!...Cut!...Right, everything else is CGI'

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

Movies vs. Films

'So no animals were harmed in that movie...but how about the audience?!'

'And I love the part when he finds out that it was his brother all along!'

Arnold's first day on the job - 'What do you mean...no director!!!...and who is going to tell me what to do?'

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Why don't you just go and see this summer's feel-good movie?"

Film Star Robert de Niro

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

Jim Carrey,

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

Script/Director/Producer/Decency Panel.

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'