Mother Of The Bride Gifts

'It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.'

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

So … you do a lot of yoga?

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"Nobody told me it was a dress down wedding day!"

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"

Wedding bouquet spring loaded shoes.

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

Wedding Fayre

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

Speech

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

Instant Gratification Cafe.

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

"So! When's the big day?"

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

'You were a ten month baby. The postman brought you.'

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

Congratulations! When are you due?

The Aisle

Last night of freedom.

"She's registered at Salomon Smith Barney."

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Six down, three to go!!"

Bridal bootcamp

". . . and do you, John, give up your smug air of bemused detachment for the demands of marriage?"

'Do you cater weddings?' Why the groom is never put in charge of anything.

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.