Father Of The Bride Gifts

It's been hard to find silver linings in this situation but I was able to buy this boat when my daughter had to switch from a huge to a tiny wedding.

"I guess I just always imagined I'd be givin' you the perfect shotgun wedding."

"Unaccustomed as I am to public squeaking…"

"We'll do it later - I believe it's bad luck to show the bill to the bride's father before the wedding."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Killer Executive Suits.

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Prize vegetables.

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Louis Armstrong

The Busy Gardener

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

James Bond in a Snow Globe

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

I like the Jets...I guess

A Good Batch.

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."