Mother-in-law Conqueror Pillows

'No exceptions, Caldwell! If you want to make this team, you've got to make it past my mother-in-law!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Feel free to take notes."

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"This is our most difficult escape room. In here, you're a mother of 4 unruly children, tons of overdue bills and a lazy husband."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

'I'm not saying your mother is senile but she just vacuum bagged the cat!'

"Do I have many meetings today?"

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

If Dr. Chan has a schoolteacher husband, a diabetic mother-in-law, twins in preschool, and a daughter who stays with her father across town on alternate weekends, and one twin and the daughter have colds, how many free rapid COVID tests are required to alleviate Dr. Chan's breaking-point levels of despair?

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

Changes at home

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

"We located the hissing noise, Mr. Watkins. Your wife's mother is in the back seat."

The Housewife

"Let's see if mom likes that super comfortable yoga mat we bought her."

Monday around 9PM.

First Steps

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

"I'm so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all."

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

Dr. Unzimer's mother appears... "Teddy, you call this a 'clean room'?"

Judge, jury and executioner.

"She may be awhile. Her mother's helping her park."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."