Mother-in-law Avoider Pillows

"Dad did say he'd do anything to get out of going to Mom's parents this vacation."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

"Feel free to take notes."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"This is our most difficult escape room. In here, you're a mother of 4 unruly children, tons of overdue bills and a lazy husband."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

'I'm not saying your mother is senile but she just vacuum bagged the cat!'

If Dr. Chan has a schoolteacher husband, a diabetic mother-in-law, twins in preschool, and a daughter who stays with her father across town on alternate weekends, and one twin and the daughter have colds, how many free rapid COVID tests are required to alleviate Dr. Chan's breaking-point levels of despair?

Changes at home

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

"We located the hissing noise, Mr. Watkins. Your wife's mother is in the back seat."

Stockwell's day

'See, Dear? Told you I'd make it fit!'

"Let's see if mom likes that super comfortable yoga mat we bought her."

The Housewife

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

First Steps

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'