Mortgage Mythbuster Gifts

'How high can the adjustable interest rate go? Well, now, we don't want to get bogged down in a lot of technicalities, do we?'

"Good morning Mr. Perkiss - I'm from your local bank. I've come to take our house back..."

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

'I wasn't responding well to the pills but my doctor finally got my mood stabilized.'

Horse meat scandal.

"Trust me, there is no subsidized lunch."

'Any time you need more, the money tree is here.'

"Jim had to know what happens when you turn off your computer while it's updating."

"If only you knew. . ."

Life plan

"Dad, is there really no tooth fairy, or is that just fake news from some Russian bot?"

'How about a reverse-reverse mortgage? In a reverse-reverse mortgage, no one pays anyone anything, and no one seems to care.'

'I'm sorry, but without a significant deposit, we can't give you a mortgage.'

"It's good luck."

'Your mother tells me you've started blogging! I have no idea what that means, but stop it immediately, or you'll go blind!'

UK Economy

MD to pregnant woman: 'You don't become immune after one child.'

'The house has been repossessed by the Devil ...'

"Are you kidding? If these were really my own, they'd be sagging down to my navel by now!"

"That's my new bill. Now here's the Jersey Devil with the details."

Foreclosure.

"So Carruthers!...it wasn't a legend after all!"

'I sold all the bones to finance a Hollywood quasi-relgious cult.' Old Mother Hubbard and her son, L Ron.

"We have the perfect plan for you. It's the mortgaged to the eyeballs plan."

'If I understand it right, we hold the mortgage on the bank which holds the mortgage on our house.'

'Let's see, no current job, no job history, dicey credit report, congratulations Ed, you're approved!'

"And, hey, don't kill yourself trying to pay it back. You know our motto-'What the hell, it's only money.' "

'Okay, wipe that 30-year fixed scowl off your face, and give us your short-term adjustable grin!'

'So you say, 'Tom, how do I become filthy rich?' Well, that's easy. By scamming others the way I'm about to scam you.'

'Our mortgage is now owned by a guy named Lenny the Squid in bayonne, N.J.'

This is not a scam. Send money and receive authentic 'This is Not A Scam' certificate."

Not expected to be easily approved for a mortgage.

"You just ate! Wait 15 days."