Mortarboard Humorist Pillows

"Is it true you wear a mortar board because you're thick as a brick?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

'Flight simulator'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

Japanese Whaling

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

Well yes, I am a Blue Whale, but that doesn't mean I'm depressed...

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

"I learned about the despotism at the same time you did."