Mortality Muser Gifts

"Any chance we could stop by my broker's house?"

Funeral home - You can run, but you can't formaldehyde.

"I'll need you to accompany me to the morgue."

"Whoopsie."

"It's nice, but how do you adjust the sleep number?''

Salesman sits on park bench reading Death Of A Salesman as Grim Reaper comes up behind him.

Your Name Here

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

'Or you can rent by the week...'

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

God's map of the universe

'No, this is area 50...Area 51 is over that way...'

"Someone to collect your works, dear."

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

". . . And how long have you felt alienated?"

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."

"So, while extortion, racketeering, and murder may be bad acts, they don't make you a bad person."

Devil worried because he feels good

"Lactose started it, but now it's mainly me she can't tolerate. . ."

"Oh, that's my cousin. I'm the Bluebird of Mid-Life Existential Despair!"

"I love it....but lose the bodies"

Delta and Omicron Race

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

"Can't you ever relax?"

'I don't know what's wrong with you, you seem to have celibacy on the brain!'

"Well, I have bad news for you, too."

Covid 19 Variant

Old man watering Death.

'Bit early for Surrealism, isn't it?'

"They're crowdsourcing your session."

"...and tell him it's fairly urgent."

'I keep making the same mistake over and over again, marrying for love.'

'Would you knock it off with the 'woulda-coulda-shoulda'!'

"I don't want a divorce, but I would like a gap year."

"You're gonna love this place."