Mortality Muser Pillows

"Any chance we could stop by my broker's house?"

Funeral home - You can run, but you can't formaldehyde.

"I'll need you to accompany me to the morgue."

"Whoopsie."

"It's nice, but how do you adjust the sleep number?''

Your Name Here

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

'Or you can rent by the week...'

God's map of the universe

'No, this is area 50...Area 51 is over that way...'

"Someone to collect your works, dear."

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

". . . And how long have you felt alienated?"

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."

"So, while extortion, racketeering, and murder may be bad acts, they don't make you a bad person."

Delta and Omicron Race

"I love it....but lose the bodies"

"Lactose started it, but now it's mainly me she can't tolerate. . ."

Devil worried because he feels good

"Oh, that's my cousin. I'm the Bluebird of Mid-Life Existential Despair!"

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

"Can't you ever relax?"

'I don't know what's wrong with you, you seem to have celibacy on the brain!'

"Well, I have bad news for you, too."

Covid 19 Variant

Old man watering Death.

'Bit early for Surrealism, isn't it?'

"They're crowdsourcing your session."

"I don't want a divorce, but I would like a gap year."

'Would you knock it off with the 'woulda-coulda-shoulda'!'

"...and tell him it's fairly urgent."

"You're gonna love this place."

'I keep making the same mistake over and over again, marrying for love.'

"That's the setup. And the punchline is: 'And then they die!'"

"It would have been a no-fault divorce if the judge wasn't happily married for 30 years!"