Mortal Musings Gifts

"Fountain of youth? No, I'm searching for a cure for natural causes."

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

"You wanna put that back?"

Mental baggage, a brain with a handle for easy carrying.

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

'It's true that I never fulfilled my early promise of greatness, but I DID manage to catch a lot of really outstanding TV!'

'Do you ever wish the Big Bang would have been just a little bigger?'

Big Medium

'I'd like to enlighten you, but what if you're just illusory?'

'An they have the nerve to call this heaven!'

"I don't know-somehow the city seems much scarier than when I was a kid."

"It might be a while, the server just crashed again."

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"Is that before or after tax?"

Paradise: Collection of wine

"But don't bother making up a schedule for all those projects. I've got all the time in the world now."

"Welcome to Vanity Workshop. For the next thousand years you're to read out the size labels you've removed from your clothing."

'You'd look good in that.'

"Give a call when you get there."

"And so one could say that my work examines art as an expression of objecthood where the object is neither the art nor the object but rather the practice of intentionality."

'Assuming moral absolutes - good dog.'

Tombstone in a cemetery with a epitaph that reads "Why me?"

'Nobody believes a word I say!' 'Oh, come now!'

Heaven is...

'I see your future investing in a fortune telling business!'

"Why would He take someone so toned?"

'If God tells you what to say in your sermon, why do you make so many corrections?'

"Look kid, you can't blame everything you do on me."

"So using all those brown coffee filters literally bought me nothing?"

'If there is an unlimited supply of something....mortality is that it make our time finite....I think I'll poop on this guy's head.'

"The hair on my back - will it go back to my head?"