Mortal Musings Pillows

"Fountain of youth? No, I'm searching for a cure for natural causes."

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

Mental baggage, a brain with a handle for easy carrying.

'It's true that I never fulfilled my early promise of greatness, but I DID manage to catch a lot of really outstanding TV!'

Big Medium

'Do you ever wish the Big Bang would have been just a little bigger?'

'I'd like to enlighten you, but what if you're just illusory?'

'An they have the nerve to call this heaven!'

"I don't know-somehow the city seems much scarier than when I was a kid."

"It might be a while, the server just crashed again."

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"Is that before or after tax?"

'You'd look good in that.'

Paradise: Collection of wine

"But don't bother making up a schedule for all those projects. I've got all the time in the world now."

"Welcome to Vanity Workshop. For the next thousand years you're to read out the size labels you've removed from your clothing."

'Assuming moral absolutes - good dog.'

"Give a call when you get there."

"And so one could say that my work examines art as an expression of objecthood where the object is neither the art nor the object but rather the practice of intentionality."

Tombstone in a cemetery with a epitaph that reads "Why me?"

Heaven is...

'Nobody believes a word I say!' 'Oh, come now!'

CCTV security on heaven's doors.

'I see your future investing in a fortune telling business!'

"So using all those brown coffee filters literally bought me nothing?"

'If God tells you what to say in your sermon, why do you make so many corrections?'

"Why would He take someone so toned?"

"I guess they really are permanent."

"Look kid, you can't blame everything you do on me."