Moral Musings Master Pillows

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"Try thinking about something else."

This Is What Moral Corruption Looks Like

Nun Binning the Devil

"I think it's wrong to hunt them when they're in a house of worship."

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

My friend here is being FAR too modest! He's not just ANY bartender! Karl's the guy who invented the Fuzzy Navel!'

"I asked you to hang a picture, how much more difficult can you make it?"

Always let you conscience be your guide. I let my conscience be my guide, but it's non-binding.

"Fountain of youth? No, I'm searching for a cure for natural causes."

'I used to think I couldn't serve both God and Mammon, and then I discovered multitasking!'

Say It Ain't So, Ho

'Assuming moral absolutes - good dog.'

Questioning

Mortified that her hospital gown did not close all the way in the back...

Career coaching at a yoga studio

"Let me quote a few home truths to you."

"Quit whimpering."

"Look kid, you can't blame everything you do on me."

"Billy's cheating, Susan is lying, Dave, no, that's Gary, no, Bob. Bob's stealing?"

'Thinking INSIDE the box is actually quite underrated!'

Hell's Ethics

Pastor Has Hunting Trophy of Satan

'It wasn't the proverbial cookie jar, Sir. It was just the real cookie jar.'

'Of course I know the difference between right and wrong! Wrong pays better!'

Man with a button on his head.

But I think we can agree on the dandruff issue.

''To be or not to be'? -- It's always about you, isn't it?'

'Ahhhh...It's such a beautiful morning outside...the sun is shining...the birds are singing....'

"The banality of evil."

'I'm a concerned mugger. Half your money goes to the Eritrean relief fund!'

"I react mindlessly, therefore I am."

"Tonight I'll be performing a monologue about where I like to shop, my hair color, and something my mother did that upset me."