Moo Maestro Gifts

'She's got a temperature of 104, hiccups, a bad cough, a touch of mastitis. Now the bad news. . .'

'What have I been up to? Oh, a moo-moo here and a moo-moo there.'

"Congratulations on winning the milking contest."

Cat woman shopping for cats.

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"It get it – you're hungry."

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

"Textin’"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

You're arrogant, aloof and spoiled...but I mean that in the nicest way.

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"

Twitter censorship

Cat holds sign which says - Will purr for food.

Violin Practise

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

'A few messages came in during your lunch break.'

Classic Emojis for sale.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"... and come out fighting, boys."

"Holy hell. I should not have based my whole personality around this..."

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

Computer Music

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

Cat Lover's Leap.

My Bowl Is Empty.

Well you know what they say - here today gone tomorrow - or in the case of dotcoms, here today gone shortly after lunch.

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

I stamped out smiley faces in your handwritten memos, and by George, I'll do the same with emoticons in your emails!

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

"You're God-knows-where all day long, then at night you pounce on my head... this is not a relationship."

'At milking time, I just love the soft hands of the new young farm hand: A nice change from old farmer John's...'

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

'It's another office memo from that Mr. Tolstoy.'