Money Troubles Survivor Gifts

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

You're fortunate you have a cubicle. Due to cutbacks, my boss makes us wear horse blinders.

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"All in favor of changing out name from '17th Federal Savings & Loan' to 'Still Here Bank'..."

'Look at the bright side. Think of our mutual funds going up, up, up!'

'Look at my new overdraft its fantastic.'

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

'That's great, Bob, but I was just going to ask if you wanted anything from the deli next door.'

'I'm working on a ten year degree. Four years in school, and six years to pay off my student loans.'

'Your 401 (K) went down the drain, but if it's any consolation, you can keep the commemorative cup.'

'Our cries of Armageddon were completely ignored, so let's just keep throwing money at the economy.'

'I think that's enough enlightenment for now Tim!'

'I sure hope you're a marriage counselor.'

'That concludes the list of students with outstanding grades. And now for those of you with outstanding student loan payments...'

Bob gets his walking papers.

College tuition fees.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a rhino appeared and charged our vehicle...

'It just hasn't been my day.'

'The tide goes out along way, doesn't it?'

'We've got to think about our lending policy for small businesses... Like my tailor!'

'This day goes from bad to worse.'

'While we didn't see Bill Brewster here in his lifetime, it's good to see him here in death. Uh, let me rephrase that.'

Graduate receives a tax bill instead of a diploma

'Is there any particular reason your middle name is stinky?'

Get Your Head Out Of Your Phone

'You're trying to hail a taxi?... Are you insane? You'll never get one at this time of day!'

'LAND!'

"I'd say my number-one issue is getting off the island, and then, after that, probably health care."