Money Market Muscle Gifts

'Yes...our chief analyst is recommending further investments in the new year.'

"States of tofu"

"Son, you're old enough now for The Talk: everything you need to know about compound interest."

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

"It's simple supply and demand. The shorter the supply, the more money we demand."

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

'You have a balanced investment portfolio. Everything you own is losing money equally.'

'That concludes the annual report, I will now fend off questions from the stockholders.'

Investment analyst Renald P. is going to frighten the market.

"AXP 0.78, AIG 1.12, T 2.63. . ."

The End is Nigh

"That was a rumor day."

Danger ahead for the US economy.

"The economic modeling of our economic modeling suggests we need to remodel."

Stock market books.

Here today, Bailed Out Tomorrow.

'The financial services economy has shrunk again.'

'The Bear' pub, changed to 'The Bull.'

"I was hoping to make billions, but I've settled for making millions."

"The markets seem to be a little jittery this morning."

"I believe around the offices I'm referred to as the rich, fat, b***ard. I like it."

That was either an earth tremor or the economy moved up a gear.

-"Why bother to budget?" -"So we can worry BEFORE we spend our money as well as AFTER we spend our money."

Bottle of pills labelled 'Global Recovery Capsules,' with 'Warning: May cause inflation, deflation, nausea, panic attacks. Use caution when mixing with optimism, stocks, bonds.'

'I was trying to predict future market trends and the computer blew up!'

We've Hit Bottom...

'We have an excellent investment counselor and if things don't work out, an equally good investment therapist.'

"You say there's a dip in the market?"

'Boy, are the markets getting sensitive, anymore.'