Monday Morning Meetings Gifts

'Who wants to work late again, raise your hands.'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

"The meeting will come to order."

"I need to see your budget proposal."

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

Back to work...

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

After a day long meeting, the decision, as usual, is made in the hallway.

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'