Mom Trick Expert Pillows

"They're healthy? All this time, Mom said carrots and raisins were nature's candy!"

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

The Mothership

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

'Just doing the school run.'

'I swear, you kids get better costumes every year! Where's your trick-or-treat bag?'

'You don't look anything like Count Dracula and I should know, because he's a personal friend of mine.'

"It's true she's back to the same weight she was on her wedding day, but remember that she was 9 months pregnant with triplets then..."

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

'I'm qualified to deal with any traumatic event because I've raised five children.'

'No,if you'll read the eyes-in-the-back-off-your-head chart, I check your mom vision,'

"Now that Ella's turning two, I'd like to transition to being a stay-at-work mom."

Mother and Baby

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

"You heard me. This is it. We had a three-picture deal."

'I forgot to bring diapers. We were a long way from refreshing.'

How Moms Explain

"You could say that. I had a D-section."

'It looks like your son hasn't changed his underwear in a year,'

Big book of daft names for kids.

I have this overwhelming urge to have kids

'If your mother asks, it's water buffalo.'

"I accept candy or cash - I don't take stickers."

"Mom always was a helicopter mom, and now she's got a drone!"

'Today I'd like to teach everyone the difficult task of how to put a new toilet roll on it's holder.'

'Relax, the most important thing is that he drinks his milk, not how.'

'Mom says she's too busy to read anything right now so I'll just sign her name to my report card.'