Mom Life Navigators Pillows

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

"Wet wipe?"

"Ironically, this all started with a little poke on Facebook."

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

Cyber Fight

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'