Parenting Life Navigator Pillows

'We usually have some trouble getting organized the first day of school.'

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

Better times ahead.

'I'm just using this while my monster truck is in the shop.'

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

'sugar and spice my eye.'

Midlife: You Are Here.

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

Wiseguys/Smartasses/Eggheads/Smarty Pants

Doubt or Certainy

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"Wet wipe?"

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

"...Mom, can you get me a glass of wine?"

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

'I know we're not 'almost there,' but I keep asking just to keep her focused.'

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

"Ironically, this all started with a little poke on Facebook."