Domestic Life Navigators Pillows

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'Keep pumping Mildred.'

'None of the other things had instructions.'

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"Can I call you back? We're having our favorite argument."

'In Grandma's time, men were hunters, while women were cleaners and shoppers. Now daddy and mommy are both hunters, but on wekends, mommy still cleans and shops, while daddy is a golfer.'

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

"Ironically, this all started with a little poke on Facebook."

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

Did you clean the loose snakes out of the shower drain? Medusa's husband.

Cyber Fight

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

"Wet wipe?"

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

'Disappointed? You ask if I'm disappointed? Well, Arthur, after 38 years of patiently peeling away one onion layer after another, I'll admit I HAD hoped there was something more that a tough, green sprout-thingie at your core!'

'Jeremy, why can't we talk instead of you bottling things up all the time?'

'Eddie's mom has nerves of steel. She didn't send me home 'til almost four.'

"It helps."

'Inform him I dislike it when he uses the dog to communicate.'

"I thought we talked about this."

"I don't know why she got so mad. I had an excuse based on a true story."

"When we have fun, we really have fun."