Modernist Enthusiast Gifts

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

'Bauhaus retirement home.'

"Jim is a good old-fashioned modernist."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

T. S. Eliot Meets Beavis And Butthead

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

There is nothing more satisfying that peeling the film off a brand new building.

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

The Cremaster Cycle

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Japanese woman in minimalist house reads 'How to Clutter Your Life'

Virginia could tolerate the Woolf whistles no longer

"Still-Life of New Mexican Grilled Quail with Cilantro and Fennel-Flecked Confit."

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

Dogs looking at a fire hydrant in an art gallery.

James Joyce.

'I have one just like this at home. My five year old son painted it.'

The Abstract, The Modernist, The Avant-Guard.

"Now, is this the kind of painting your Mommy would be proud to post on her Instagram?"

"Their titles from left to right are, 'Holiday in Palm Springs','Next mortgage payment' and 'Deposit on a new Porsche'

"He had the Guggenheim in mind, I think."

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

Francoise Gilot

"Hmmm...I wonder what the artist is trying to say...?"