Modern Trends Observer Pillows

Barbers - GM Crops Now Available.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Selfie Stick

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

Investments: Remember, Time Heals All Stocks.

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Fries with that Burgers: 'I lost my job to robot in Japan.'

"Your sister got another promotion."

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

Old Yarns

"Daddy says God created Eve out of Adam´s spare credit card!"

"Pour yourself a drink - the news isn't too good"

"Auto reply: I am dead and will have limited access to e-mail."

Blogging Shoes

"These masks are getting skimpier every day."

Ten Commandments T-Shirt

"It's unbelievable to get kicked out of paradise because of one lousy apple... But wait, I'll give you a really bad rating for that, buddy!"

'Hi, it's me, my therapist said I should communicate more...'

Today, it's chic to be cheap.

'Did you click and send the contents of 'Irving' into the world wide web of humiliation?'

"May I air-quote you?"