Modern Traditions Thinker Gifts

"Santa Claus is no longer part of my belief system."

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

"You haven't enjoyed the Yule log till you've enjoyed it in high def."

'Don't worry about the thumb sucking...she'll be texting with it soon enough.'

What every man thinks to himself when he puts on a pink shirt.

"Herb's from Texas."

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"This looks good, Jim, but we'd better run it by legal, Siri, and Alexa."

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

'I ink, therefore I am....'

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

The Last Non E-Book In The World.

"Fire one shot if you find a waterhole or two for a coffeeshop."

'An ebook! What are you reading?' 'Against technology: From the Luddites to neo-Luddism.'

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

Your basket: Gold. . .You may also like: Frankincense and Myrrh.

'Place your hand on the e-bible and text me a repeat text of my text...'

"Everything I needed to know I learned from my mother - but I usually follow up with a YouTube video for verification purposes."

Hip hop Santa.

"Already my computer is outmoded, but i try to tell myself that my computer isn't ME."

"No textbooks. I'm strictly Web-fed."

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Gluten-free Santa

A Family Out For A Walk In The Country.

'If anyone objects to this union, Tweet now or forever hold your peace.'

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

The older I get, the more of my memory I outsource to Google.

"What next?"

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'