Modern Society Commentators Pillows

Signs at the entrance of a cemetery pointing to the "Smoking" and "Non-smoking" sections.

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

National Living Wage from April 1st.

Why Superman flies himself

"Neversource"

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

Down With Wikipedia

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

"I suppose it was bound to come to this."

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Our Troubled Chowders

Self Checkout

NHS Stabbing Ward

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"Bad news - the local sewage plant is made of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete."

"First the artillery softens them up. Then the armored division moves in, followed by the infantry. And remember: we're dealing with hardened asylum seekers."

"Today on the ask Sadie show, we'll be addressing one single topic: 'Wolverine.' Specifically, we'll be talking about how most of you freaks who were obsessed with it for months are no longer talking about it. You people today have the attention span of a chimpanzee!!! That's an average of about 20 seconds, for those of you who still remember what I just said."

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

Have you drugged your child today?

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'You cant do anything these days without someone suspecting your motives. . . there is only one way out. . . inaction.'

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'