Modern Santa Sympathizer Pillows

'Not that sort of 'mobile' you great fat t***."

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

Pole dancers

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

"Pull over, Rudolph! We'll have to charge the electric sleigh again..."

Santa's Workshop: Moved to China

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

Santa's elevator

"Mrs. Santa Claus wants a divorce, the elves in my workshop is on strike, the reindeer just hate me and global warming makes my place in the North Pole melt!"

"Who wants to talk to Santa? Anyone? Hello?"

"Okay, I got your stuff ordered. I work remotely now."

Outward bound/Homeward bound.

For Santa's Drone

"Hey, you gotta give the old guy credit for at least trying."

'Santa doesn't need us any more. He just sits at his computer and sends out music and film downloads.'

"It's a great feeling to be able to give someone good news for a change..."

Santa was perplexed at receiving a carbon-neutral status.

Santa sits in the waiting room of a Weight Loss Clinic with other large people.

Santa on street corner.

"Santa's started franchising out delivery.'

Boy Clause

'How come I never see you in church?'

Holiday Greetings

"I want to believe in Santa Claus, but it's tough in this post-fact, fake news era."

"There goes another childhood illusion. When I was a kid, he had eight reindeer."

Criminal Santa Claus

Santa, tapping at mobile phone, turns away child saying: 'All Christmas lists must be 140 characters of fewer.'

'Poor guy - you mean you spend all your time with those 8 reindeer and 37 elves?'