Modern Santa Sympathizer Gifts

'Not that sort of 'mobile' you great fat t***."

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

Pole dancers

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

'No, it doesn't have to snow for Santa to get here. He probably drives a big four-wheel-drive SUV ... '

"Pull over, Rudolph! We'll have to charge the electric sleigh again..."

"It's just not the same."

Santa's Workshop: Moved to China

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

Santa's elevator

"What I want for Christmas is to have the day off and watch 'Miracle on 34th Street'."

Outward bound/Homeward bound.

"Okay, I got your stuff ordered. I work remotely now."

"Mrs. Santa Claus wants a divorce, the elves in my workshop is on strike, the reindeer just hate me and global warming makes my place in the North Pole melt!"

"Who wants to talk to Santa? Anyone? Hello?"

For Santa's Drone

"It's all part of the new normal."

'How come you're not registered anywhere on E-Bay?'

'Santa doesn't need us any more. He just sits at his computer and sends out music and film downloads.'

"It's a great feeling to be able to give someone good news for a change..."

'How things have changed Mr Twinkle.'

"Hey, you gotta give the old guy credit for at least trying."

Santa Needs a Brand New Way To Lug His Bag

Santa on street corner.

"Santa's started franchising out delivery.'

Santa was perplexed at receiving a carbon-neutral status.

Santa sits in the waiting room of a Weight Loss Clinic with other large people.

Boy Clause

'How come I never see you in church?'

Holiday Greetings

"There goes another childhood illusion. When I was a kid, he had eight reindeer."

Criminal Santa Claus

"I want to believe in Santa Claus, but it's tough in this post-fact, fake news era."

Santa, tapping at mobile phone, turns away child saying: 'All Christmas lists must be 140 characters of fewer.'